Lagu2 baru

7:42 am, 26-6-09

Hehe. . .
Hehe. . .
Hehe. . .
Last nyte i went t0 bed with just a lil bit 0f tears n ingus. . .but its 0k. . .cuz ive g0t A LOT of kisses. . .maceh2. . .dats y i l0ve u. . .flaws n imperfecti0ns are m0re beautiful sumtimes. . .
H0ping n praying things wil get better. .

Btw,br0wsed y0utube. . .
F0und new vids. . .n0t new. .bt bru jumpa. . .
Nice 0ne. . .
Ch0p suey by s.0.a.d. . .
Then g0t m0re s0ngs. . .
D riffs n d beats begitu menenangkn jiwa. . .bla 0wg len dgr,c0nt0h spt ina dan kan0pi,mereka amat x suka. . .
Tp tu la. . .aku suka. . .i mean d music n d lyrix are n0t dat hard 0r harsh 0r watever. . .

Cth:

'0h i d0nt think u trust in my self-righte0us suicide, i cry when angels deserve t0 die. . .' -ch0p suey-

Kn sedih bunyinye. . .anak yg pth hati ngn ayah yg tlh mgabaikn nye. . .ayahnya amat baik diibaratkn sbg angels. . .lagu2 begini amatlah relate ngn aku. . .jgn la misjudged me. . .

Tp ada la lgu len yg membuat aku ska. . Cm lgu cina btajuk bu de bu ai. . .by wilber pan. . .n dan sebenarnya by yuna. . .bla3. . .i dun realy like indie. . .but bleh la lyn. . .muzik s.0.a.d dan sewaktunya is better la. . .lyrix sedih but c0nvey str0ngly. . .makes me feel bersemangat. . .sedih tp jgn menangis. . .x m0 jd p0mpuan lembik. . .huhu. . .

Yeah!
P/s: nsib bek cer0l x menghalang karier sy sbgi peminat muzik begitu. . .l0l. . .

P0st ke-60

6:53 AM, 22-6-2009

Pg yg gelap kini sudah terang. . .
0h3! Tidak sama sekali bg aku. . .
Pagi2 pas subuh dh ngs. . .
Mata aku sgt bengkak. . .
Apasal mcm ni. . .
Rasa x n0rmal. . .
Apasal x mcm 0wg len. . .
Family begini. . .
B0yfren begitu. . .
X nk lyn aku xpe. . .
Jgn smpi tba masa aku dh mls nk lyn anda2 seme. . .jgn pk hati kering u je,i punya hati pun bleh kering. . .
D0nt wake up d sleeping d0g. . .

Time ni seme nk keras kepala!
Kang aku j0in keras kepala jgk,jgn nk slhkn aku lg!
Aku wat dek je,mgalah,mrayu,menangis,k0rg lg pijak kepala aku!
AKU DAH B0SAN NGN PERMAINAN ANDA2 SEME!
N0w its my time!

Satisfy

Its hard t0 satisfy pe0ple. I swear by my father's name,i l0ve mama. But y is she like diz. Mama tny,nurul jwb. N jwpn tu dh wat mama kecik ati,maybe,tp nurul x maw tipu dri sendiri. Seumur idup nurul cuma seorang shj abah nurul ada. Se0rang shj. N dats it. Nurul x phm npa mama msti maj0k. Bnda ni mama x leh paksa. Kalau nurul bleh fhm mama nk kawen lg,n0w its ur time t0 understand what i feel. Hes n0t my father. Nurul binti md isa ismail. Bukan binti 0thman said. Im s0ry.

N0w,mama x maw ckp ngn nurul. Tpaksa nurul settle evryting sndiri. Medical checkup,cemana nurul nk buat suma tu? Nurul x ley drive. X kn nk bwk m0t0 p h0spital. Jauh mama. Nurul x cident mati bru mama hepi ka? Since u hate me s0 much (she didnt even l0ok at my face diz m0rning), i think i shud g0 away fr0m diz h0use.

I l0ve u,mama.
Diz b0ther my mind making it crazier n crazier evrytime kita selisih n u dun even glance at me.

Gila Otak Aku

Aku rs 0tak aku dah mereng.
Aku bkn aku.
Aku bkn yg mcm aku mahu. Damn.
Celaka.
Shit.
B0d0h.
Bangang.
All d ab0ve,are referring t0 me.
Dats all.
Curtain cl0sed.

OMG!

7:03 AM, 16-6-2009

Knp OMG??

Kerana,30minutes b4,i w0ke up n perf0rm my m0rning prayer. Then i tried t0 sleep lg,besa la,pas subuh k0mpem td0q blek,but,this time i cudnt sleep.s0mething is wr0ng s0mewhere.my heart beats t0o fast like it realy g0nna p0p 0ut 0f my chest,it beats t0o hard im afrain it w0nt beat again..

S0,i t0ok a deep breath(diz is what bi2 awez t0ld me t0 d0 if i were t0 get caught up in tr0uble)..0pen d 0.M applicati0n..cri l0ve qu0tes..bla3...then suddenly cm like really 0ut 0f sudden,this th0ught p0p int0 my mind. I FORGOT WHETHER I SUJUD RAKAAT KEDUA,TAHIYAT AKHIR,N DOA or n0t time smyg td..i was like,whats happening t0 my mind? S0 amek wudhu,s0lat lg skali. I just t0tally f0rg0t what i did between after my qunut til d m0ment i first step int0 bed t0 td0 balek.

I m s0o freaking 0ut n0w.

M i g0ing crazy?

M i l0sing my mem0ry?

Pls n0t my mem0ry with him..

S0 scared..feeling s0 psych0tic n abn0rmal..wish hes awake t0 c0mf0rt me..bt hes n0t..n i dun want t0 wake him up just cuz i freak 0ut..bt need t0 talk t0 sum0ne s0 dat i cn feel n0rmal..mayb i shud just sleep..cn i call him? What if he g0t mad n said im l0cking hm up? Dun want cmtu l0r..what t0 d0? Aiy0..just call la..if he x agkt,then i just sleep..

Again,OMG!

:D

Aku hepi skrg.

Terima kasih tuhan krn pjgkn nyawa ku utk aku merasa begini.

Bi2,ILYSM k. . .

Mimpi

Fikiran terganggu.die rase x? Die mpi x yg aku mpi? Aku mpi pertemuan jannah dan cer0l. N0w dat die tamaw aku,means dat,die tamaw cer0l. Aku kah yg gatal? Die x teringin ke? Aku x leh teruskn mcm ni. I need t0 get high t0 f0get dis pain. Hes smiling aredi. Hes n0t feeling kepedihan anym0re. In a relati0nship,b0th need t0 d0 anything dat cud b d0ne t0 save d relati0nship. Bt,n0w,im d0ing it al0ne. He needs 'time'. I dun like waiting, cuz time awez n0t 0n my side. I guess n0w is d rite time f0r me t0 d0 diz. Since n0b0dy cares my feeling anym+re. U,d 0nly h0pe i had,d 0nly 0ne i trust,als0 leaving me. I am al0ne, standing against d wh0le w0rld. I cnt. S0,i hav t0 d0 diz.

Abah-minx ampun,im n0t dat str0ng.

Mama-l0ve u.minx ampun da jd anak durhaka.

Bi2-i cnt b al0ne with0ut u.s0ry.t0ld u time n0t 0n my side.i cnt bear with diz th0ught 0f u leaving me.d pain is sumthng s0o 'cruel' f0r my heart.i cnt wait f0r t0o l0ng.y cnt u undstand.

Bdrul,kitty,bear2,husni-u guys are d best.n0 matter wat,u awez sap0t me.muah.n0w,u g0ta take cre 0f urself.

Patah hati

Apa yg berlaku smlm dah membuktikan yg aku...

1)x mgkin dcintai sesiapa

2)x dk mkna bg dia

3)hina

4)dh hampakan diri sndiri dan 0rg lain kerana beberapa impian x kn tertunai

5)n0t needed in diz w0rld

S0,

I'll g0..

The Water Tank

1:37 PM, 11-6-2009

Dulu2..
Ms abah bru meninggal,mama slalu tensi0n2..tp dia x pnh mrh abg..slalu mrh aku..n kdg2 dia r0tan aku ja..abg x ngaku slh dia..aku yg kena..n bla jd cmtu,aku slalu lari p kt tangki ayaq..pnjt tga dia..n duk situ smpi magrib..

N0w,im here again..pns tp berangin..cm aku gak..pns kt dlm..tp luaq kna senyum bla balek st g..hmmmmm..time2 mcm ni,rindu aku kt abah jd btambah2..aku anak fav0rite dia..n when hes g0ne,n0b0dy defend me bla kena mrh ngn mama..nurul nk abah..pls take me with u..n0b0dy wants me here..feel like jumping 0ff fr0m here..kalau aku mati pun,x dk sapa yg rugi..
I just wanna l0ve sumb0dy n be l0ve by sumb0dy..

Lapang Hatiku :D

11:27 PM, 10-6-2009

Lega sgt dia k0l aku b4 td0..
Rasa lapang sgt hati nie..
Ive g0t t0 c0ntr0l my jeal0usy..
N if im jeal0us again i dun want him t0 b mad at me..
Mayb jeal0usy is in my bl0od..
Cnt rid it..
Cn c0ntr0l it 0nly..
N need him t0 help me..

N0w,bru bleh td0..lega sgt..dah x jeles dah..even p0mpuan tu cntik sgt,he stil by myside..at least til diz sec0nd..
L0ve him s0 much..
Gud nyte,l0ve~~

....

11:07 PM, 10-6-2009

Nuyu what? Wh0's tat?

Ya allah..
Pdmkn api cemburu ku..

Br smpi umh..
Check fb..
Mayb dia x maw diganggu..
Dia tgh tgk b0la..
Aku td0 dlu la..
Cedey sgt..

:(((((

Teringin

3:20 PM, 10-6-2009

Sy teringin nk dberi hadiah..
Bru sy sedar,
Sy x pnh ada bday party..
Just wishes fr0m fwendz n siblings..
Neva g0t bday presents fr0m family..
Xcept..
F0rm3 nye bday bie bg badrul..
W0rse..
I neva g0t presents fr0m my mama..
0ther than that,pe0ple ar0und me g0t presents fr0m parent n siblings if they g0t nice exam results..
Me?
I g0t 5A's UPSR..
N when i g0t back h0me t0 tell my result,n0b0dy's h0me..
When my family finaly knew,they just said, '0h,0k la tu'..
Then i g0t 8A's PMR..
I called my mama t0 break d gud news..
She said..
'K la tu'..
N0 presents..
N0 c0ngrats..
Then i g0t 8A, 1B, 1C SPM..
Again,
'0h,awat x dpt 10A'...
N0te dat i went t0 take my results al0ne,with0ut c0mpani0n fr0m my family,all succes celebrated with my frenz..geng butet..0nly time SPM, tu pun t0k nk ikut..dats y mama g0t t0 drive me t0 badlishah..

Bru skg sedar..
Start my age 12,after abah meninggal,x dk sapa manjakn sy lg..

Dats y..
I yearn f0r their attenti0n with all d gud results..
Yet..im n0t gud enuf t0 b appreciated..by them..n 0ther pe0ple..

T0 sum1,d0 u n0e dat ur s0 lucky t0 have such a supp0rtive family..

Teringin

3:20 PM, 10-6-2009

Sy teringin nk dberi hadiah..
Bru sy sedar,
Sy x pnh ada bday party..
Just wishes fr0m fwendz n siblings..
Neva g0t bday presents fr0m family..
Xcept..
F0rm3 nye bday bie bg badrul..
W0rse..
I neva g0t presents fr0m my mama..
0ther than that,pe0ple ar0und me g0t presents fr0m parent n siblings if they g0t nice exam results..
Me?
I g0t 5A's UPSR..
N when i g0t back h0me t0 tell my result,n0b0dy's h0me..
When my family finaly knew,they just said, '0h,0k la tu'..
Then i g0t 8A's PMR..
I called my mama t0 break d gud news..
She said..
'K la tu'..
N0 presents..
N0 c0ngrats..
Then i g0t 8A, 1B, 1C SPM..
Again,
'0h,awat x dpt 10A'...
N0te dat i went t0 take my results al0ne,with0ut c0mpani0n fr0m my family,all succes celebrated with my frenz..geng butet..0nly time SPM, tu pun t0k nk ikut..dats y mama g0t t0 drive me t0 badlishah..

Bru skg sedar..
Start my age 12,after abah meninggal,x dk sapa manjakn sy lg..

Dats y..
I yearn f0r their attenti0n with all d gud results..
Yet..im n0t gud enuf t0 b appreciated..by them..n 0ther pe0ple..

T0 sum1,d0 u n0e dat ur s0 lucky t0 have such a supp0rtive family..

Abah.

1:26 PM, 10-6-2009

Tip0n t0k..
She said its p0ssible..
Tip0n ustaz..
He said it cud b..

S0..

Its true..
Its him!
Err..
Its him?
Yes..
Rite there..
Beside me..
Last nyte..
He visited me..
N0t in my dreams..
Its f0r real..
At first,i th0ught he was there t0 take me with him..
But hes just there..
His scent..
Minyak atar..
I rec0gnized d scent..
0nly f0r few sec0nds..
I didnt even remember what he w0re..
It happens t0o quickly..
Mayb he heard my wish t0 see him face t0 face..
He did c0me t0 me last nyte..
Im n0t hallucinating..
Im sure..
Very sure..
He didnt lo0k 0ld..
D m0st imp0rtant thing..
He was smiling..

Abah..
C0me t0 me evrynite,please..
I had gr0wn up..
Nurul jnji..
Jg nama abah baik2..
But please c0me t0 me again..
Im n0t scared..
Ur n0t gh0st..
Ur my father..
Please..
N if p0ssible,
Take me with u..

PRIVACY

7:03 AM, 10-6-2009

0k,mayb dis is what hes been thinking...

'AKU MAO PRIVASI,u st0opit shitty junky crappy bitchest 0f all d bitchest w0man! Get ur butt 0ff my n0se! WTH? My life is mine,urs is urs..g0t it,bitch?'
And this is what im thinking...

PRIVASI? Apakah?

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha..

In a nutshell,
Biarkan mereke dgn idup mereke..
Mayb aku bl0m lg pny hak begitu..

Peace n0 War~
Benci Anai2~

Wallahualam..

Pohon Maaf

Maaf.
X bmaksud nk melukai sesiapa dlm p0st sy seblum ni.
Itu cuma luahan hati sy.
Jgn mrh sy.
Sy dh cukup sedih arini.
Izinkn sy senyum hari ini wpun cuma utk 10 saat.

KONFLIK DALAMANKU :(

9:22 AM, 9-6-2009

Hari ni bermula dgn perkara yg x bgus maka membuat m0od aku hari ni x bgus. Dlm erti kata yg lain, hari ni hari aku bersedih. D yuckiest, w0rst part 0f being me is, pe0ple wil smirk, sc0rn, if i present myself t0 them with a sad l0ok 0n my face. I g0t em0ti0ns. D0nt expect me t0 be all bubbly evryday.

Selain itu,d sini sy ingin senaraikan perkara yg membuatkn sy sedih:

AMARAN: senarai d bwh mgkn npk remeh bg anda,tp tdk bg sy.

1) sy nk abah sy belikn sy seswatu yg sy nk(j*m). Ini x mgkn blaku kerana abah dh meninggal. Tp sy bharap dia masih idup dan manjakn sy.

2) perut sy lapar.

3) hatimanisku atau kalau translate jd my sweetheart pny gmbr yg plg sy x gemar masih wujud. Tis pissed me 0ff because ive already ask z*ck (bkn nama sbnr) t0 delete dat fucking pic. Mayb sumb0dy dun cre b0ut sumb0dy's feelings n sensitivity. N bi2 raised his v0ice t0 me because 0f tat. I n0e it passed aredi,but d pic is stil there. My eff0rt sia2. Bkn sy nk slhkn kekasihku, cuma, knp x cuba h0rmati perasaan sy yg x suka melihat gmbr tu. Mmg kalau x suka,jgn tgk,but ia x semudah tu. Sygku, aku cinta padamu. Mengerti aku. Lol.

4) ada anai2 byk lm bilik. B0d0h!

5) sy belum dtg bulan. (Ada kaitan x??)

Ini membuat sy berfikir. Adakah krn mereka gemar melihat sy bersedih maka mereka x peduli walaupun mereka tahu? Ser0n0k tgk sy bmuram durja? Adakah membuat sy gembira bkn satu kepentingan? Sy sedar sy cuma manusia biasa mlh lbh hina dr segala yg hina d muka bumi ini. Mungkin x dak faedah bg mereka utk tgk sy tersenyum atau dgr sy ketawa. Tapi, please la..sy juga mahu gembira..sy penat menangis..sy gadaikn semuanya utk kebahagiaan 0rg lain..knp ini yg sy dpt..bkn mghrp blsn..bkn berem0si..cuma luahan hati..saat mcm ni,sy berharap sy ilang ingatan agar semua ini x sy rasai. 0h tidak! kenapa? Why? Porke? Timkai?

END. :(

P/s: pecah kaca warna merah, lepas baca jgn marah.

Pain 0f J0y

9:50 AM, 8-6-2009

W0ke up..
Still feel d pain there..
But nvm..
Im happy..
Hes happy..
Im happy to0..
Mayb dats d way we rej0ice after a day in silence..
Its 0nly 1 day..
But i missed him..
N he missed me to0..
Sweeeet..

Kami pasangan yg slalu bgaduh..
N0te dat we awez fight bukan we lyke fight..
We lyke kisses..
L0ts 0f kisses..
Huhu..

N0w im feeling dizzy..
Mayb cuz i didnt take dinner last nyte..
Huhu..
Better sleep s0me m0re..

Lalink,muahx!

Patience

4:01 PM, 6-6-2009

Wan nurul jannah md isa was n0t b0rn with patience..
Im s0ry bi2..
I tried..
I cant..
I want t0..
Bt i cant..
H0w??
Why??
I dunn0e..

1st,
He didnt want t0 'kejut' me f0r s0lat..
Isnt dats what we awez did b4?
Im exaggerating or ur testing my patience..
Instead 0f l0sing my head again,i just smile..think b0ut d sweet mem0ries we had..then i calmed d0wn..
I th0ught dats it..then i 0pen his fb pr0file t0 see what ive p0sted 0n his wall..i didnt expect t0 see a gurl p0sted 'thanx' 0n his wall..i n0e its just a friend..bt im curi0us,thanx 4 what? N dat gurl is sexy,chubby..his type..i lo0k at myself in d mirr0r..me n0t his type? 0r m i exaggerating again? I mean..laki mana tamaw gurl lyke dat kn..huhu..
Again,i keep it t0 myself..
Then,dis n0on,i f0und 0ut my fwen g0t mms n she said i cn ask him t0 send me his pic t0 my fwend's f0n..i went gaga..eksaited..extremely happy..well,i havent see him f0r such a l0ng tyme already..is it wr0ng? He refused th0..said that 'muka i x berubah pun'..i n0e dat bi2..but..again,whats wr0ng if u just send me ur pic..i wana see u badly..

Ive tried bi2..
Its n0t dat i didnt..but i did..
S0,y ur stil acting c0ld..
It makes me feel s0 sad..
N u n0e it k..
Please..
PLEASE..
Rite n0w,im n0t feeling mad 0r whats0eva..
Im feeling anxi0us,c0nfuse,w0rried,sad..
Its like..
What ive d0ne wr0ng again diz time..

But still..

I l0ve u..

N dats d price i have t0 pay just t0 l0ve y0u..

Sod.Ba.Ro=Sabar

11:35 PM, 5-6-2009

Jgn mrh,jannah..
Sabar..sabar..sabar..
He l0ves y0u..
Hes just being his self..
U l0ve him aite,jannah?
S0,b patient..
Even being patient isnt just ur thing,f0r him u must b patient..
Dat sh0ws h0w much u sincerely l0ve him..
Igt,u r d 0nly gurl he l0ves..
He ch0se u when 0ther guy ran away fr0m u..
Its 0k if he care less b0ut n0w n then..
Its 0k if hes c0ld t0wards u sumtimes..
Its 0k if he ign0res u f0r few h0urs..
Because he l0ves u ALL the time..
What else cn u ask fr0m sum0ne like him..
Dats m0re than d best he cud giv t0 u..
Be patient k..
Co0l d0wn..
Inhale..
Exhale..
Inhale..
Exhale..
Smile..
Take ur hands 0ff d p0or s0fa..
Get s0s n kicap..
Hug it..
Like u hug him..
Like u never see him again..

(Dis p0st is ab0ut my g0od side trying t0 c0ol d0wn my evil side and keep her fr0m resurface again in my mind)

Evil vs Good

12:43 AM, 5-6-2009

Wakakaka..
Cnt sleep..
He slept 0redi..
Nvm..sleep tight bi2..
Fr0m n0w 0n,im g0na change..f0r sure..this is my turning p0int..i wana b like abah..a g0od man he was..s0 a g0od girl i wil b..bad girl g0ne g0od..h0pe b0th m0st imp0rtant men in my life pr0ud 0f me n my willingness t0 impr0ve..

B4 sleep,i played makeup2 just n0w..pls d0nt tease me..dis is an0ther secret,n0t many pe0ple n0e b0ut me..s0 th0se wh0 read my bl0g,ur lucky..hehehe..kidding..s0,back t0 d main r0ad,i mean main p0int,i played makeup2 td..but i 0nly put dark-c0l0ured eye shad0w 0n my left eyelid,i put l0ts 0f mascara 0n my left eyelashes, put heavy eyeliner 0n my left eye's rim,really black 0ne..damn i l0ok evil..like realy evil.. While f0r my right eye,i dun put any makeup 0n it..i l0ok g0od..pure..inn0cent..

I l0oked int0 d mirr0r, which side m i? Left 0r rite? Evil 0r g0od? I wana b g0od..but when i take a l0ok at my evil l0ok,i smiled..wh0a..n0w dats freaky..i t0ok AN0THER l0ok at my right side, d g0od 0ne, smiled a bit, hmmm..first time in my life i feel im pretty..u n0e, gadis chantek..

Huhu..i think i l0ok better as a g0od girl..i wana b g0od..i ch0se t0 b g0od..i decided t0 b g0od..n0w,my dear evil side,R.I.P..i dun need u n0w..

C0nfuse

6:49 AM, 4-6-2009

I m c0nfuse..
Is this h0w it supp0se t0 be?
I dun want it t0 be like diz!
I want him back!
*cry*

Heart Broken

8:57 PM, 3-6-2009

My heart was broken..again..but diz time,i dun think i cn..

My head is spinning..back t0 all d sweet mem0ries we had..t0o many of them.. N0w,i cnt think 0f anything..

S0 many times i hit d keypad 0f my f0n t0 text him,t0 tell him h0w much i l0ve him..h0w much i mis him..h0w much i want him n0w!

But when i hit first letter,cpt2 aku sedarkn diri..we r n0t an item anym0re..dat hurts cuz i dun wana it dat way..

This p0st is stupid..i n0e he d0esnt feel what i m feeling rite n0w..
But i n0e dat he w0nt read my bl0g..dats y i p0st tis s0meh0w..

Huhu..

Quote of the day

6:10 PM, 3-6-09

Me: i apa pd u skg?

Him: friend

Done.

Signed.

Sealed.

Delivered.

Kekecewaan

6:03 PM, 1-6-09

Kekecewaan..bg aku x dk bwk apa2 maksud kecuali yg aku rasakan hari ni..

Slh aku kah kalau aku tertidur?
Slh aku kah kalau nasib mmg malang?

God,since d 0nly pers0n i cn share evrything d0nt wanna stand by me n0w,i m n0w al0ne..pls help me,my God..take care of me..