CONFESSION OF THE HUMBLEST SERVANT

i just woke up....now is 7:30 AM.....nevermind.....because i had a very NICE and SWEEEEEEET dream after having nightmares on the past three nites.....another thing is my head....no longer aches......my head now....calm....relaaaax...just like what i want....ALHAMDULILLAH....thank you Allah......


It turns out to be talking directly to Him through my solat and doa really makes my head and heart feel lighter....thanx *afaf*....well, ive been having lots of problems lately...minda x tenang dowh....jiwa kacau....keje setan la neh...everything i did went wrong....everything he did seemed wrong to me....and then it came to a level that i felt like i dun want to live anymore, forgetting or perhaps rejecting ALL plans He made for me when i was first born and sent into my mom's womb...at that moment, i felt like nobody loves me, nobody wants me, nobody appreciates me...BUT it is all wrong...at my weakest moment, AFAF was there, *HASRUL* was there, evev HAZIQ NEPAL was there....giving me all kinds of support...talking bout alone ryte....at that time i wonder what You want me to do if i continue living?

I guess, i know d answer now..

I am sinful, the most SINFULLEST servant to You...and thats why You still give me d chance to clean myself, my soul, from the sin before i went up there, to meet You, and to be reunited with my father...damn, im crying now...

And maybe You want me to see that many people love me...im not sure bout my family....but hasrul,afaf, both of u love me more than i thought...im sorry...i still dunnow WHY you people love me but i think thats why i love you both so much....

Before, ive committed a great sin, that makes me feel shameful to talk to Him, u know, nak berdoa kepada Dia rasa malu...untuk duduk sujud semula di sejadah rasa malu....im not ready....this is true....i forgot You for such a long time....but You never forgot me....theres so many things i wanna tell You...byk aku nak mengadu kepada-Mu...but i have to prepare myself first...to make sure i am qualified to see You....to meet You...to talk to You....again....i have to convince myself that You welcome me back....i am afraid...n i dun want to seek for Your help only when im in difficulties....i want to share my joy with You too...not my pain only....

And then, Your light shone through my dream....like *hasrul* said...mimpi hidayah...again....thank you Allah.....i got it now...i got the whole concept....aku nak berjaya di dunia dan di akhirat....aku nak bahagia di dunia dan di akhirat....its weird, but, now i understand...what *hasrul* wants me to feel it, to understand it.....the thing he firstly managed to feel and understand before me...the calmness...it even blow away my headache....thank you Allah...


O ALLAH.... Forgive my sins.....
Protect me from the devils....
Pour me, my life, what i did, or will do, with Your blessings...
Forgive his sins....
Protect him from the devils...
Pour him, his life, what he did, or will do, with Your blessings...
Forgive her sins....
Ptotect her from the devils......
Pour her, her life, what she did, or will do, with Your blessings....
Send us Your guidance...
so that we wont turn our back from You again....
Unite my heart and his heart...
Mortalized our love here in the world and also when we died,
PLEASE
Give us the chance to climb the steps to Your heaven together.....


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Tetapi aku tidak pula sanggup menanggung siksa NerakaMu
Dari itu kurniakanlah ampunan kepadaku ampunkanlah Dosa ku Sesungguhnya Engkaulah yang Maha Pengampun Dosa-Dosa besar

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terimalah taubatku wahai Tuhan yang Maha Tinggi
Dan usiaku berkurangan setiap hari
sedangkan dosaku pula bertambah setiap masa

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Sentiasa membuat dosa, dan sesungguhnya telah berdoa kepadaMu
Jika Kau ampunkan, maka itu adalah hakMu
Dan jika Kau tinggalkan, maka siapa lagi yang hendak kami harapkan sepertiMu...